It’s 4 a.m. and I am woken by a false alarm. Not of the fire variety, but of a cell phone telling me its battery is running low. False in another sense as well, because it has come too early. I know this day has been coming. This will be the first Christmas I tell myself……. no, wait. It was November last year, this will be the second Christmas, yet it feels like the first because the actual first was tied up so closely with the event itself.
So, I knew this was coming. Even then though, when I knew it was coming. Even then, when I knew the last day had arrived, I was merely awakened by alarm as always. This morning, is it even morning yet, the memory pulls me from my sleep more strongly than any threat of being late ever did. Perhaps I will soon return to sleep, I do not know.
I do know that as I sit awake, he sleeps awaiting that great awakening, and I miss him.
One year past. I love you dad.